Looking At The Past

Change can be fun! Change can be scary…

Change can be hard, or it can be easy. It all depends on what God decides for you…or what you decide to take into your own hands…

My whole life has been a whirlwind of change. My life has never been consistent. We were always moving, always changing, whether it be furniture,  cities, churches, hair, clothes, ideas, opinions, comfort zones… etc.

All I know is… change in my life has always been scary. It all seemed like we were just going down hill…nothing was gonna get better.

I am proud to say, the only consistent thing in my life, was my Lord and Saviour, and his gift of faith to believe! Though of course it was always a rocky road.

And guess what? MORE change has begun. But this is a new kind of change. Its a good change, and I know it!

But some part of me aches cause of my past. I am free! But why do I feel pain? I see flashbacks of my childhood all the time now, just in a different way...

It doesn't necessarily creep up on me in the middle of the night like your worst nightmare. But it's almost like…I miss my past. I want to go back and relive it! But why would I want to go back and relive such a terrible time?

I think its cause I never really had a normal childhood, and I want to go back and fix it, since now I have a stronger hold on life. But there is nothing to fix, because God intended for me to be here right now, writing this and living out my life the way it's been played out.

I am in no way unthankful! I am beyond blessed! I cry out to God in praise and humility every night…"I don't deserve this Lord. But honestly, we all deserve the worst…so I am beyond thankful! I fear you Lord, and I praise you!"

This is the first time in my entire life, where things are starting to be consistent. I feel consistent in my way of thinking. I am not swayed by others own opinions, or put down too easily. It would take me way too long to go through the list of how consistent my life is now… but it's getting better each and every day!

I was once living in a box, with a few streams of light shining through the little holes.

All of us are broken, and God is here to fix us. We just have to be honest with ourselves…

I feel God is calling me to share my story, help others who are in my once upon a time situation! But we all must trust in God, because He is writing our "Happily ever after"…

Psalm 62:6 "He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken."

Stay tuned for my next Blog post about fashion! (Sorry boys…hehe)